Overdose of Happy Pills.

Archive for June, 2010|Monthly archive page

Oh Hello

In Life, Think about this on June 7, 2010 at 9:38 am

Three days ago, I graduated from college. After the four long years of complaining about how shitty boston weather is and how my body is disintegrating due to lack of sleep, I’ll be returning to boston in the fall to the same school for grad school. So much for change of pace.

While my friends excitedly gushed over how scaredexcited they were about “real life” and were busy planning the iconic summer trip to europe for the newlygrads, I sat there kicking myself for not having gotten an internship. Truth is there is no way I could have fit in an internship between spending two weeks in Korea for an engineering conference and a month in France for frolicking. (Deeper truth is I didn’t even know why I wanted an internship–I graduated! for heaven’s sake–it was my workaholic alter ego speaking)

Three days later, I’m sitting in the front lawn of my parent’s home in the suburbs of Atlanta basking in the morning sun and still kicking myself. I have the entire month of june to spend at home with no plans.

I feel like the lame friend who “lives at home” after graduation. I feel unemployed. I feel like I am still financially dependent on my parents. I feel like all of the above are facts and not feelings. I have no after work happy hours to look forward to and I won’t be making bank. I’ll be a dirt poor grad student creepily checking out undergrads and living in my lab. never to see the daylight.  ( I sincerely hope I won’t become one of those creepy grad students. yuck). If I could turn back time, I would confront seven months ago me busily filling out applications and ask. seriously? seriously? Seven months ago me would have some profound answer on how I planned to do ground breaking research that would change the world, something you can’t do while sitting on wall street cranking out numbers to make someone else rich.

But today I am sitting in my front lawn, basking in the morning sun, eating whole grain crepes that taste way too healthy and wondering why anyone would live in the suburbs where you can’t do anything besides eat sleep and garden.

I’m hundred percent positive that 5 months later me who is buried knee deep in work and sleep deprived will scream at present me for not cherishing the fleeting idyllic moments I had. So i’m going to take the last bite of this incredibly healthy tasting whole grain crepe, and help my dear mother re-decorate the house for the 149th time.